An aromantic person is someone who experiences little to no
romantic attraction. I'm aro-spec and romance favorable (on the
aromantic spectrum and open to being in a romantic relationship,
even though I generally don't feel that way about people).
I have a more specific label, other than aro-spec.
However, I generally say that I'm aromantic or aro-spec instead of
my more specific label (demiromantic) because there are plenty of
people who can't seem to be normal about demiromanticism.
Demiromantic people are people who only feel romantic attraction
after they form a strong platonic bond with someone. I can see
why people misinterpret demiromanticism; hearing about it
without context may just sound like an everybody thing rather
than an aromantic thing. While I can't speak for every
demiromantic person, I can share my experience. For me, I'm aromantic
until I'm not. So far, I've only have one actual crush in my life,
and it was someone who I was (and still am) close friends with.
When I was a kid, I would do the thing where I would pick someone
to have a crush on. My thought process was something about how
it's normal for people my age to have crushes, so I should choose
someone. It took me way too long to realize that, normally, people
don't choose who they have a crush on, it's just a thing that
happens. It also took me a while (compared to my age and when I
realized my other identities) to realize that I'm aromantic. I
think I started considering that I could be demiromantic in late
middle school (around age 13), but I didn't actually apply the
label to myself until I was around 16.
I never felt like being aromantic made me broken. I thought that I
was just the only one being normal about romance. When I was in
middle school, I didn't understand why people were dating and I
thought we were too young for that. I thought the same thing in
high school. And then I realized that I'm just aro-spec.
My general thoughts about romance in relation to me is that it's
cool if it does happen, but it's also fine if it doesn't. While I may
crave the level of intimacy in a traditional romantic relationship, I
generally don't feel any sort of actual romantic feelings. My
perception of romance is that it's like a friendship, but you can
kiss each other on the mouth without it being weird. I've been told
that there's other feelings involved and, while that sounds about
right from what I know, it's still a bit of a foreign concept for me.
I don't understand why we, as a culture, put romance on a pedestal.
I understand that romance can be a wonderful experience, but so
can other types of relationships. This one time, in a performing
arts class in high school, we ended up talking about our queer
identities, because most of us were queer in some form. I said I
was demiromantic and explained what that was and said that I've
only had one crush in my entire life. One girl said "I'm sorry."
after I said that. I still don't understand what was going through
her mind when she said that. It didn't offend me, it just confused
me (especially considering experiences that this same girl had had
with romantic relationships in the past).
Aromanticism is a part of who I am, and I think it's pretty cool,
actually. I think it's kind of punk rock to not have much need for
something that's put on a pedestal and presented to us as a
requirement.